Was looking through my pictures. lol if my external hard disk ever die on me, I'll be really really sad. But that will probably mean a fresh start, yea, a forced one. Sigh, better save up and get another more reliable one soon. i hate technology, cos they fail people, but there's no better alternatives I guess. Oh well.

Yea, was looking through the pictures, trying to think of what to do for ONS before she leaves. And I realised that the 2 of us have so little proper photos, oh man =( I was telling Mavis about it, and she told me to look at the old ones, I was like... she hated me in the past, so no pictures! hahahaha

That Anne Cheung, you BETTER take more picture with me before you leave. YOU BETTER *stare* Oh btw, I really forgot when's I love Anne day. haha oOps? But that's no excuse for you to not take more pictures with me!

Thanks tumblr.

Most of us take some time at the end of each year and reflect upon it. Others already made up their mind what that particular year is gonna be before it even begun. We decide if that year was a "yay" or a "nay", before or after, it doesn't matter. But this particular habitual human behaviour. Can anyone dissect this?

We take all we want but we give oh-so-reluctantly.

Someone once said, "Sometimes we put up walls. Not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down."
You know what? I'm done wanting to see who cared enough to knock my walls down. These walls, they'll protect me. People's minds work in really mysterious ways. If I can't comprehend, I'd assume. And as we know it... ASSUME = ASS + U + ME.

The teenage angst in me lurk stealthily. Sometimes, I can't even predict her arrival. At times like that, I really don't know myself. Even if I tried to come up with a reasonable argument for her uncalled for aggression, I can't. It seems like I'm trying too hard to win and protect my own pride. Sore loser, huh?
Although, I do apologise. It really does help, if sometimes someone else apologise instead. You know? Give in a little?

I'm definitely not down. So don't tell me to "cheer up". I'm just penning my thoughts.

I look upon this year with much distress and yet accomplishment. I've made some friends, I've lost some friends. I've come to realise who are my true friends and who are not. I've been disappointed, I've been impressed. I've met so many different types of people and learnt to adopt to their different styles. I've observed, I've ignored. I've grown to actually accept that the strange human need for intimacy is actually "normal". (Although, it still irks me.) I've heard of love stories, I've falsely involved myself in some sort of story. I've been hurt, I've hurt others. I've held on, I've let go. I've met more celebrities than I could ever imagined. (Heh!) I've tried something new. (Taking Korean, Chinese, French...) I've developed a girly obsession in baking. I've lost my passion for K-Pop and K-Dramas. (I still love them! I just haven't been following.) Unfortunately, in comparison to year 2008, I've become much more of a slob-dresser. (Oh noes! D:) I've lost some weight, I've gained them ALL back. I've given up, I've picked myself up. There's so much more about the year 2009 but I can't possibly sum up the whole year, can I?
I'd say, year 2009 was the worst year, yet. But it was definitely worth it! You know, c'est la vie!

How was 2009 for you?

I welcome 2010 (TGIF?) with open arms and I'm anticipating The Awesomeness it can potentially unfold.
& I say screw new year's resolution! I'll figure out what to improve and what to achieve somewhere along the year.

To all of you, Happy New Year!
With love from the land of coal, fatty foods & happy people,
Dewi.

Maybe insecurities are playing games with me, again.

Today, it snowed in North Texas for the first time since never. Instead of rejoicing, I lamented at the fact that all my plants for my Biology Internal Assessment were outside and dying. Now I must use my holiday gift money to buy new plants. MLIIB                                     
                                     
Now, do you understand why I hated holidays? I hate a minute spent on other things but love every minute with IB, yes.

Today I got an email from a professor in a university about my EE. I emailed him 5 days ago, and I would refresh my inbox to see if he replied. When he finally did I screamed, has tears of joy and scared looks from my mother.                                     
                                    
Oh my gosh, I'm waiting too. haha I think I would do just that too. I was jumping for joy when Samantha replied my first message.

Because of my sleep issues, I often remember multiple dreams in one night after I wake up. That morning, I could only remember two dreams. One where me and this adorable guy in my class were hooking up, and the other where I passed my chemistry midterm. Guess which one I was more happy about?                                     
Needless to say.

It's Winter Break and I feel the need to start studying for the topics on my syllabi for school after break, just to be prepared. This Christmas I'm wishing for IB Study Guides. MLIIB                                     
                                     
I guess I haven't understood the whole of it yet. Perhaps it's a good reason why I should repeat a year right?

Okay! I know this is kinda late for a christmas post but well it's better than nothing right? Haha. Christmas came and go just like that. This Christmas is slightly different from the other Christmas. This year, i went to get presents for the people i care about! I don't know why.. I just kept buying gift after gift. Now i'm completely broke. Haha. Need to buy new clothes and shoes! So to all those who received gifts from me, I hope you all will like it! :D

Ok. This was what happened on Christmas Day. Went fot early morning mass. No familiar faces at the mass. What a waste. So after mass we went to my grandmother's niche at the immaculate heart of mary church. Have not been there in quite a while. It's been 2 years already since her passing. We will all remember her and she will always be in our prayers and hearts! Losing someone is not easy. It affects everyone. But my mum mentioned this before. The next time our family gather would be for another funeral. That's actualyl quite sad huh. Well that's life. Life doesn't always go the way we want it to go. But i always say u choose what your life to be like. If we don't even try then it's a real waste.

That was the 25th. Now come to the 26th. Okay. the 26th went much better than Christmas Day itself. I went to watch Avatar in 3D at Marina. We sat 2 rows from the screen. I shouldn't have eateb subway before the movie. Throughout the entire movie, I felt like vomitting. Ok la. Only the starting. It got better after a while. Watching movie in 3D is a experience everyone should try. But don't sit too close to the screen. The movie was great also because I had good company. Awww. Hahaha. Thanks for going out with me! So after movie we went to walk around then pool! I owned u in pool ok! Out of 3 games i won 2! And the game u won is also I helped u one ok! Tsk. Haha. But it was fun la. Should do it again! So we had our KFC dinner at the esplanade steps. Don't know why we always end up there huh. It's a nice place la.. but that night there were bands playing so it was kinda noisy.. Couldn't really talk. So we decided to take a walk. Ended up walking all the way to the Singapore Flyer. It's actually quite a cool place. Singapore flyer weekday only 10 dollars! Anyone interested? Hahaha. YOU STILL OWE ME PICTURES!!!! Went home around 10 like that... I enjoyed myself that day.. Wonder whether u did too.. Hm.

Sunday was another boring day so let's not talk about it. Hahaha.

Today! We finally had our section christmas gathering. It's a little overdue but we still had it. After so many sms sent out and all the planning we managed to get everyone down to Anne's house. So sad Mitchell couldn't make it. See la. Go China some more. I told everyone to meet at CCK at 10.30 and once again i was the earliest. Then came brenda, Weizhen, Ashley, Jolyn and kelley. I was the only guy that was on time. When we all reached already, TT was at home and Han Ming was at Bedok! They came only 1 hour later. We ordered Pizza... Some people still owe me money!!! Haha. We played mahjong, piano, guitar hero, blackjack, speed! Say hello to the Speed God. One person up against 3 girls. Tough man.. I still won. Thank you thank you. We had our gift exchange... Hope u all like the keychain and the cards. :D I want the photos!!! So... I didn't go watch movie with the rest after we left the house.. Came home and went for a run and here I am blogging. School is starting soon. I am so not ready!! Argh.

10 MORE DAYS!!!! I'm not ready yet... Are you? There's still so much left to say and do.

The year is soon coming to a close, and my lack of poetic outputs throughout the year is causing a lot of alarm within me. What I have is only a smattering of chaotic scribbles - none of which can satisfy. When faced with the opportunity that has been recently been given to me, an opportunity which many like me can only dream of having, I balk at the idea, for change is not something I welcome openly. This year has been a year of firsts, although, perhaps, the usual Firsts have probably been covered two years ago. In this very year, I've developed this obsession which still amuses me. To add on to that, I've discovered that keeping the feelings that I've amassed within me is not as hard as all the dramas make it out to be. You simply do nothing, and hope that all that's inside you will not spill over through the fault lines on your skin. I've distanced myself from the few whom I've always thought as friends - or rather, circumstances have driven this undeniable wedge between us that time spent together will only be a testimony to all that we've missed out on in regards to each others' lives. I've made up my mind, too, that perhaps, sometimes, people don't mean what they say, especially in the areas of keeping old friendships alive, especially when all that you've always believed in them - has shattered before your very eyes. You find out that they have gone to a place so far away that you can't bring them back - and you begin to question what drew all of you together in the first place, if it all has to end like this. You learn not to focus on the nitty-gritties of things, but shift your attentions to what will bring you further in the future, not on what will only drag you down further in to the past. Here's to being able to sieve out the different smells in the air around me in the future - the near one at that. The stench in the air will be suffocating and overwhelming, unless we are able to sieve out what we need and what we will never ever need but want.  

I loathe people who wallow in self-pity.

On a lighter note, this December/Christmas has been a wonderful one, thanks to many people. (: Although I've always preferred spending Christmas in America, where the festivities have much deeper meaning... Christmas celebrates the birth of Baby Jesus.. nothing to do with jolly old pagan Santa.
Not exactly looking forward to school next year. I don't miss anyone much, and especially not the teachers. :P

A new year, a new blog? Or perhaps I shall go on a mega long hiatus and post only on softp. :)

Haha okay, I guess I mind afterall. Never mind, I shall stay at home and be a good IB student.

Oh man, totally wasted my day away, ahhh never mind. At least it wasn't another sad and bad day =)

Cindy and Alvin told me to just do it. They had different reasons for saying that. One said that if I don't, I would most probably regret it after that. The other said that I should make the best use of the opportunities given. Both made sense, but hmm... I was still struggling. Annabel and I were talking about it too. One sentence of hers made me feel that I'm not the only one afterall, thank God.

These and a few others are reaching out, and honestly speaking, I was quite touched. It's hard la, but I will try to give my hand too.

Was talking to Anne last night about... the future? haha well, even though it's a different context but it applies as well. Yea, just now I was just pondering over what she said, and I realised it applies to this too. It kinda make me more receptive of what they said I should be doing.

haha oh well, who asked this to be the thing that if I can surrender to God, there would (in a way) be nothing else that I cannot give to God. Sigh, Abraham (FYI, his name just appeared on my mind like... 3 seconds ago).

God has been so awesomely faithful and faithfully awesome in my life. From the start till now, I know He's there. And recently, He's been speaking to me through different people and different situations, giving me different insights. I'm really glad that He's finally not keeping silent. If He had continued keeping silent, I really can't imagine how deep a valley I would have landed myself in, because like I've said, "it's too much".

Hard times yes. Silence in darkness, yes, for a period of time. Hmm... just a minute ago, God just reminded me to check my new year resolutions for year 2009 that I typed down and had it printed out at the start of the year. Here's what the first one says...
"No matter what happens, no ditching of God. In fact, the greater the problem is, the more I should rely on God."
Maybe huh, maybe, this is why. No, this is not an attempt to deny reality, I'm not trying to say "this is just a test, nothing will happen", but... I'm glad that on this very day, 26th December 2009, I can say that as the year 2009 approaches the end, I can say that I have remained faithful. In fact, I feel that He's been drawing me to Himself these few days. Deeply touched.

... but I just want You to know, it's You, You who have won my heart.

Koped from Andy's PM:
Christmas is not just about Christ but also about you and me. That's why Jesus came in the first place.

That's true, that's true...

MERRY CHRISTMAS! (:
Christmas dinner with cloupe was awesome! :D
Caught up with everyone over dinner, Mavis looked super pretty that night! 

even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. you have won my heart and I am yours. you've comforted me like a friend. how precious this moment, I want you to know. your love surrounded me from the start, and I never want to be apart from you ever again. in my distress I call to you and you answered me. I will not let you go. now I know, I love you and I need you, though my world may fall, I'll never let you go. my closest friend, I will walk with you until the very end. who am I, that you would remember my name, that you would care to feel my hurt. at times when I fall, you will surely be there to pick me up. when my world was in darkness, you spoke your word and night turned into day, your beauty filled this place. when my world stood in silence, you filled my heart with songs that never end. for who compares to you. you calmed the raging seas, that came crashing to me (and now I pray that you calm this storm too). I'll trade every sorrows for joy and every mourning for dancing. you kept all my teardrops, and shed them like yours. more than a nice melody, more than the sweetest of words, this is the love I have found and with this love, I am found. no greater love than yours. your grace is enough, more than I need. at your word, and only your word, I will believe. when the stage is bare tonight, there's no one else, just you and me. when the curtains close behind, there's no pretense, I'm on my knees. you are faithful and true. tower of refuge. healer of broken hearts. strength of the weak. this is my cry, my one desire. there is none like you. no one else can touch my heart like you do. I could search for all eternity long, and find there is none like you. unafraid of what's ahead, because you are there before me. you are always there, right behind. my life is your song. nothing can take me away from you, our love goes on and on. whose arms are these, sheltering me from harm. whose voice I hear, whispering in my ears whenever I'm lost. you are always near.

Went gym with seb yeo and chye chye today. shiokkk, but i think i pulled my shoulder muscle. :( see how it goes tomorrow. Well, holidays are ending and here i am ironically spending time to post things up on this blog. haha. So many things are just cramming up into my head and only if my head has a large intestine to get unwanted things out. this sucks.

back from run! gonna bathe and continue studying.

goodnights to all. (O:


my feeling now? : oh, great.

Gosh, so much has been going through my mind, I need to blog!! but I'm in a rush of time right now. Sigh, to blog now and risk getting killed by Anne (I'm already late >.<) or blog tomorrow and let logic take over feelings?

Tomorrow I guess. Oh well.

I just had one of the most surreal dreams! I've decided to write down all of my weird dreams that I can remember when I wake up. So today's dream was me in...... China. So there was snow, ice, and you could just walk on ice even though it looked like water slushing around. So many weird aspects, sometimes it looked like the bottom of a HDB estate and I even remember tweeting and saying hi from China!? In the end, I remember someone giving me cool sweets to put in my pocket. I actually remember thinking that if this was not a dream, when I wake up, I would have the sweets in my pocket. (Like those Enid Blyton books)

When of course, I woke up, and I did check my pocket (heh heh), there were no sweets.

Another dream would be the horror type a few days ago. I had a similar dream before. We're staying in this unknown house and, it's making us very uneasy. My whole family seems to be there. We feel like there's someone else on the fourth floor. And the dream (nightmare I guess) is just very uncomfortable and jumpy. Finally, my aunt shows up this group picture on the fourth floor and there's this extra white figure at the end. We alll ended up sleeping in the third floor together and gave the house to another unsuspecting group in the end. Weird.

Similar dream, a year ago or something : My brother has become very rich and is living in this big, dark house. So I'm going in, inspecting everyone and there's a picture (a polaroid) taken. I remember it flying around and I want to catch it and see it, and finally I do. That's when I see there's an extra white figure in the picture with us! So I run out of the house super quick and something's always stopping me from totally getting out.

Well, I'm off to watch Avatar w my little cousins. (Sherlock Holmes comes out tomorrow!!!!!) Later, dinner with S1 Crescent peeps :) (If I could describe them as simply as that!)



Love always, Durgs

When you wake up in the morning and you can't find me, please don't cry. & don't try to text me cause you'll waste your money!!! I'm going on a totally random and obviously abrupt trip to Indoland!!! 8D I'll be back after New Year's
I'll miss you eggs, a lot!!! The availability of interwebs can't be determined. So I'm just gonna say all I want here now.



Merry Christmas & Happy New Year in advance.
& uh.....  bye? I hope I'll come back well and happy. 8D
OH, I'm sorry AMANDA, CHERYL AND SUWEI. I can't be there during the Christmas celebration. >:(
Be safe everyone! <3

I came here, wanting to talk about Crescent and saw comments from 2 Crescent peeps at the post downstairs! Wow, thanks so much Gretch and Liy :) Love you very much! I can't believe I'm thinking about CGS one year on, like really thinking. I remember last year, by Oct, I was Mr. Cool, and felt that I had experienced everything in Crescent and yeah bring it on JC/Poly! Actually, I still feel that way heh

But man, were those years good or what? I never really had a tribute for it in any way, never wanted to go back and visit it cos I felt my time there was up. Never understood those seniors who kept coming back after 1, 2, 3 years. What did they expect from the place?

Okay I have been interrupted and now I've lost the thoughts as they have gone to the sky. Heh so this post is just me really appreciating what Crescent Girl's Secondary School has given me. The blue.... excuse me turquoise and yellow uniform is like a badge of courage, friendship, content, laughter, everything all rolled into one.

Love, Durgs

What if I don't love you enough?

haha shit, I think this guilt is going to follow me all my life >.<

(please ignore the two santas at the back) Hi everyone this is my most favouritest boy in the whole wide world :)

I couldn't find my external hard disk, and it was kinda... you know you know. I wasn't frustrated though, I just wanted to find it because I was quite sure that it's at home and yes, I needed it. Need to back up the photos and songs. hee =D After about 15 mins of searching around the house, I still couldn't find it. So, I decided to go brush my teeth. While brushing my teeth, I was talking to God, I was praying that God would help me to find it because there are years of work in it and because hmm... the photos with the youths? Then suddenly, I was given a suggestion in the form of a picture of a certain part of my desk, so I was like "okay, I shall go find it". I did, and... TADAH!! IT WAS REALLY THERE! :O AMAZING RIGHT!